1st
September 1st 2008 - Sucks.
Being ill suckkks. But what’s worse? Being bored at the same time! It’s crazy how 90% of people who know me online, don’t know i’m ill!
“are you doing a show soon? …
next time your in my area i’ll come see you play” ..
Yeah sure! right on!
Little is known that i’m sick and this is why I don’t do shows anymore, well for now..it gets quite tiring to pretend to them and it’s not like I ever lie though..I just don’t tell them as THEY DON’T ASK.
Frustration is a major fuck off factor. All my life i’ve wanted to do something so bad but had this obstacle. I wanted to be a footballer, but not being able to run fucks that up?! Then a musician..and it was going so well, then..BOOOM.
It’s shit crazy going from an 18 year old attracting attention from major labels and small indies and having it all mapped out and…BOOM. Always a ticking bomb, doesn’t let you know when it’s gonna explode. I doubt i’ll ever come to terms with it and i’m so sick of lying.
I’ve grown a ir/rational(?) fear of becoming what I used to hate, the band or artist who was liked by their friends and they’re “really good” but not. You know, good as in , good if they’re your friends, but not good as…fuck me, best band in the world.
And i always stop! in 2003-2004 i didn’t make much music and gave up as yet another of my bands dispanded and the major label phone went dead. Then in 2005 I was re-woken and the Good Golly bullshit started and more label shit happened then i gave up again after another band break up! UGH! pattern?! So the end of year or next year I should kick back into business? Who knows…
